This is brilliant, thank you 🙂
Okay, I rounded… I admit it. I rounded 88% up to 90%. Substantially all still applies. Do not mistake that.
88% of the transgender population, those people who are protected by gender identity and gender expression laws, are, as reported by their own advocacy organizations, males with a psychosexual disorder. (1)
Many men with psychosexual disorders practice their fetish in the privacy of their own homes. But as many as 13,946,348 of them in the US, at the time of this writing, will be free to practice their fetish in public, in front of your children, in women’s locker rooms, in the girls bathroom at school. (2) This will be enabled by current and pending transgender legislation throughout the US. (3)
Transgender fetish is the largest sexual disorder reported in convicted sex offenders.(4) Almost 100% of convicted sex offenders have a documented history of transvestism, crossdressing, free-dressing, Autogynephilia, transsexualism…
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SWERF = sex worker exclusive radical feminist. Often found alongside ‘whorephobic’.
I think the gist is that if you are anti-prostitution, as radical feminists tend to be, then you hate prostituted women.
That is a bit like saying that vegetarians hate animals.
As a radical feminist, heck, as a person, I find prostitution to be abhorrent. The fact that so many men think they have a right to sex whenever they want it, and use their economic privilege to access it. That the patriarchal society we live in has created a divide between ‘real women’ who are meant to be treated with some degree of care, and ‘sluts and whores’ who men can abuse and degrade with impunity. That society makes it so difficult for women to earn a living that many are forced to sell access to their bodies in order to pay their rent or feed their children. That when not enough women sell their bodies ‘voluntarily’, men simply purchase or steal women and force them into sexual servitude to satisfy the demand.
The level of abuse and harm and even death that is inflicted upon women so that men never have to go without an orgasm is completely unacceptable. That so many men consider women’s bodies to be something that they should have unfettered access to makes my blood boil. That men care so little about women’s right to not be bought, sold, objectified and violated makes me fear for the future of the human race.
What I feel for victims of prostitution is empathy. I want the world to treat them like they matter, to respect them, to care for them. For the abuse and torment that led them to decide that if they were already getting fucked they might as well get paid for it to never have had an opportunity to occur. For them to be able to make a decent living doing a regular job like men can. For them to feel safe. For them to be able to decide who does and who doesn’t have access to their bodies and for their lives to not depend on the actions of men who don’t even see them as real people.
It’s pretty much what I want for all women.
But as for the pimps and the johns… I want them to understand that what they are doing is exploitation. That they are not entitled to the bodies of women. That women are not theirs to buy, sell, rent out or dispose of. That women are people. That purchasing women for the purpose of treating them like sex toys is not acceptable. That the girl you pay to play out your violent fantasies is just as human as the wife or girlfriend who won’t do those things for you.
For those women who think that women should be able to choose to sell sex, let me ask you something. Why don’t you do it? How fun do you think it would be to have sex several times a night with men who think you are nothing? Would any amount of money make it worth it, let alone the relative pittance you would get for putting yourself at a such a high risk of violence?
So no, I have nothing against prostituted women. I would love for them all to have a safe path to freedom and to live without the constant threat of harm. Call me a SWERF, I don’t care. It is a word you made up to judge me an opinion I don’t even have. It means nothing to me. But by using it you show me that you care more about the right of men to purchase women than you do about the right of women and girls to be safe from harm and sexual exploitation.
I have never really been into make-up.
In my whole life I have probably bought a couple of eyeliners and one lipstick. The rest of my meagre kit was either gifted or handed down to me.
To be fair, I started my working life in the Thoroughbred industry. But through administration and reception jobs, even front-line retail, I have never gone beyond foundation, eyeliner and lip gloss.
I used to take it up a notch for ‘going out’. Especially since my first boyfriend would shame me for wearing make-up. He would say ‘I don’t understand why you do that’. That was his way of telling me that he thought what I was doing was stupid or wrong. Wearing make-up was one of those things. Drinking alcohol was another. There were plenty of others. But you can see why, for a while at least, wearing make-up felt liberating to me.
Years later, my lack of everyday make-up use was passed off as laziness. Which is kind of funny, because anyone who knows me can tell you I am the opposite of lazy. But nobody questioned it. When I would talk about how I didn’t shave my legs because I was too lazy, people would laugh. And I thought that perhaps I was lazy.
It took a long time for me to take the leap to consciously deciding not to do the boring, painful, expensive and pointless beauty stuff. To say ‘I don’t shave my legs because why should I?’. To realise that deliberately not doing all the things was a legitimate choice, not a character flaw.
How do I benefit when I shave my legs or armpits? How do I benefit from wearing make-up? How do I benefit from having long hair that takes ages to dry and always gets in my way? The answer is that I don’t.
So why did I ever feel the need to do all those things?
We have it drummed into us, this requirement to be beautiful, or to at least make an effort. It is hammered into us so relentlessly that we find it impossible to separate ourselves from it. We make up reasons for justifying all the pointless tasks, all the expensive products, all the synthetic chemicals. We shame others for not complying. We never ask why we really do it.
I like to wear little shorts and singlets in summer. I like to go braless pretty much all the time when I am at home. I like to paint my nails with sparkly polish. I don’t give a shit what the rules say.
When I was compliant, I always felt guilty for neglecting my personal maintenance. I felt like I had achieved something when I spent a couple of hours waxing, plucking and spray-tanning. But the rest of the time, when I wasn’t perfectly presented, I felt slightly ashamed.
When I decided not to comply any more, that shame went away. I no longer have to worry about being ‘sexy enough’. I don’t have to worry about much, other than my health. I still colour my hair and like to try different styles, but I want quick-drying and easy-upkeep rather than extra body or super shiny. I don’t even fork out for shampoo and conditioner any more.
I don’t see the point of putting expensive chemicals on a perfectly good face. I don’t expect anyone to do it, but I can understand why many women do. But I want you to know that you don’t have to do those things. People will still like you. Shower, wash your hands, brush your teeth, clip your toenails. We all should keep doing those things for the sake of hygiene and sharing space. The rest of it is all window dressing. It doesn’t really add any value.
I can hear the murmurs of ‘but what will my boyfriend/husband think if I pull this caper? He expects me to look like a woman.’. He is presumably aware by now that you are a woman. I don’t think he will forget. If his attraction to you is conditional upon you looking a certain way, then you can either keep doing all the things to please him, you can gradually try different options and hope he gets used to it, or you can tell him that it is your body and you’ll do whatever the hell you like with it. It is trying to avoid disapproval and criticism from men that causes us to do all the things in the first place.
Honestly, it is your choice, now that you know all your options. Maybe you will be content to keep going with the flow. Maybe you can let your hair grow for a bit just to see what you think. Maybe you will find not doing the things to be as freeing as I ultimately have found it. But there is no harm in trying. You can always change your mind later.
It took making little choices, trying different options and sometimes going back to something a few times for me to get to the point where I don’t need to be beautiful. But having got here I can tell you that it is a blissful place. And the longer I am here, the more confident I get. This is a contrast to all the years I spent half-heartedly chasing the beauty standard and finding myself feeling ever more inadequate.
There is a freedom in allowing yourself to look like yourself. You may have noticed that men get around with their hair on and in the faces they wake up with and nobody cares. Nobody looks at them and thinks ‘did he even look in the mirror before he left the house?’. This is one freedom you can take back for yourself.
Imagine if we all did it…
Beautifully written 🙂
A connection between lesbian lust and identifying as male came to me after reading the prologue to Audre Lorde’s Zami : A New Spelling of My Name (full text here.) Lorde describes wanting to be both male and female and she fantasized about having a penis. It’s increasingly common for lesbians to think they are men so I think this needs to be discussed. In this post I’m going to describe my interpretation of Lorde’s quote, which was written in 1982, and then discuss the phenomenon of lesbians feeling “male” within the current context of porn culture and transgenderism.
“I have always wanted to be both man and woman, to incorporate the strongest and richest parts of my mother and father within/into me—to share valleys and mountains upon my body the way the earth does in hills and peaks.
I would like to enter a woman the way any man can…
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I wrote this on Mother’s Day and just found it sitting unpublished in my drafts folder. I thought it deserved an airing…
‘Happy Mothers Day to all the current and future mums out there. You deserve your day of thanks for doing a job that is worth $120 a day if you are a child-care centre, $20.30 per hour if you are a nanny, but considered ‘chilling at home’ and not worth anything if you are caring for your own children.’
It is Mothers Day in Australia today, and I was going to post this on my Facebook wall, but after the response I got when I posted about how a woman’s long-term health should not automatically be considered less important than her ability to have babies, I decided against it. The ‘chilling at home’ bit is a comment from a man on another post about what he thinks stay-at-home mums actually do.
Motherhood is the most difficult, time-consuming and exhausting thing I have personally ever done, and ‘getting to spend time with your kids’ is meant to be the only recompense we could possibly need. Women give up so much in order to produce and raise children, and we are meant to consider it a privilege. If it is the most valuable thing we can possibly do, why is it not considered to be worth any actual money?
I have had conversations with single people who are childless by choice, who go on about how people who have children are a drain on the system and how they resent, as a single person, paying taxes that go to things like family payments, schools and childcare. Why should they have to pay for things that they will never use? Why should they pay for other people’s choices?
I say if it bothers you so much, why not have a baby? If you think people with kids have it easy and have everything handed to them and have it so much better, why not join us? Oh, because you like your freedom? You like being able to go out with your friends? You like being able to work full time? You don’t fancy the estimated cost of $400,000 per child over their years dependent on you?
Now, I absolutely believe that any person in this country who works full time should earn enough to run a car, feed themself, pay their rent or mortgage, and save for the future.
I also believe that women should not have to put years and years of their lives into a 24hour-a-day role that men in our society have long passed off as ‘women’s work’. We should not have to give up our bodies, our sleep, our lifestyle, our career, and our every waking moment, while being patted on the head and told we are doing a Most Valuable Thing which should be its own reward.
I lived in a situation where I raised the children, the man earned the money, and I was not allowed to spend a singe cent without his permission. I regularly heard the cry of ‘what do you even do all day?’. And when I wanted to go out of town overnight to visit a friend I got ‘I don’t understand why you feel the need to spend time away from the family’.
I know I am not the only woman who as experienced this. I am probably also not the only woman who believed I was ungrateful and a terrible person for not finding doing washing and cleaning up baby vomit all day to be a fabulously rewarding experience.
Another topic that comes up regularly is how mothers are a liability in the workplace because they always have to take time off to care for their children and they don’t put work first like men do. Pregnant women, in particular, are considered to be a huge drain on workplaces. The prevailing attitude is that many employers would prefer not to employ women at all, that women are unreliable, don’t prioritise their work over their family, and expect all sorts of special treatment.
At nearly every job interview I have had, the revelation that I have children has been followed by a question about my support network. I only recently realised that this line of inquiry was to determine how likely it would be that motherhood would interfere with my ability to turn up to work.
Men claim that they contribute to raising children, but if this was actually the case would there still be the prevailing attitude that whenever the kids need a parent, it will be Mum who has to interrupt her work? When men who take care of kids are hailed as heroes and women are dismissed as unreliable, what hope do we have of any level of equality in the land of the working parent?
Women may choose to become mothers, but this choice is steeped in the assumptions of society. Women who don’t want children are seen as defective, selfish, even sociopathic. No man wants to waste his life on a woman who won’t give him children. And there is nothing more tragic than a woman who is not appealing to men. These assumptions lead to societal pressures that take most of the actual conscious choice out of a woman’s decision to have babies. She does it because she is expected. Because Mr Great Catch will leave her if she doesn’t. Because of that irritating biological drive that motivates us to perpetuate our species.
My kids are great, but you could not pay me enough to relive the pregnancy/newborn/toddler/preschooler stages again. If I had had any idea what I was in for, other than being told how wonderful and rewarding it would all be, I would have thought more than twice about what I was doing. There is a reason why we are not allowed to talk outside our Mothers’ Groups about what a drag raising kids can be.
I’ll be spending my one day of thanks for the year preparing food for days ahead, vacuuming the floor and trying to get the washed clothes dry while it rains constantly outside.The kids want me to play a game with them, which I will do when I have got all the other stuff done. I have taken a cheeky half hour to create this essay.